It's just been one of those weeks

The last few days have not been my best.  I'm not sure what happened, but I feel completely out-of-control of everything in my life.  The house is a wreck, I let Logan go directly to the video games in the morning, I've eaten Doritos and Oreos for breakfast two days in a row, and I'm tired beyond belief. 

I hate feeling out of control.  And I really hate change; always have.  The kids went back to school this week and I've been in a depressed funk ever since.  I really miss them and I don't like that I have to send them out into the world where I can't control their stress levels and make sure everyone is being nice to them.  I'm a pathetic parent.  I could talk to anyone for hours about my belief that parents should raise their children to be independent and responsible, but am I following my own belief system?  No!  If my kids feel overly stressed or get their feelings hurt, I jump right in and try to solve their problems.  On the one hand, I think kids need to deal with a major amount of disappointment because it helps build character.  On the other hand, I feel so protective of them and I don't want the world to ruin their sweet spirits.  So where's that invisible perfect-mother line that I should be walking, where I do the proper amount of discipline while still helping my children become mature by making their own decisions?  And what about respect?  Some parents would argue that "respect is earned," meaning that their children can be treated with respect when they are acting appropriately.  Other parents believe that everyone should be treated with respect at all times.  I believe in the second approach, but some view that as babying my kids.

I'm feeling like a big old failure.  What's strange is that my kids are doing fine, for the most part.  Brevan is not impressed with the public school experience this year, but nothing really bad has happened.  I think it's just been a hard adjustment for him, and he's frustrated with the chaos of it all.  That shouldn't be a big deal, considering most middle school kids aren't exactly fond of school.  But I hate seeing the disappointment on his face everyday when he walks in the door.  Brynlie loves her teacher, but has already witnessed some girl drama, and is afraid she will be involved in it again this year.  Lindsey is . . .Lindsey.  My pure ball of sunshine whose only complaint is that sometimes school is boring because she is so smart.  Logan is still home with me (until preschool starts in a few weeks), and it's a darn good thing because I think I would just spend my days in bed if he was gone right now, too. 

What has happened to me?  I've always rolled my eyes at those women who don't know what to do with themselves when their kids are all in school.  I've always sworn I will NEVER be one of those "pathetic" moms who lose their identity and put their children before everything else in life, including themselves and their husband.  Am I becoming that? 

It's funny that the longer I am a mom, the less I realize I know.  You'd think I would feel more knowledgeable over time, but instead I'm left scratching my head and wondering what happened to all the good theories I used to have on being a wife and mother.  I'm at a loss right now.

So anyway, now that I've depressed anyone reading this, here are the good highlights from this completely confusing week.

Last week was "Back to School" night, where the kids got to meet their teachers and put their supplies in their desks.  Lindsey is starting 1st grade with a brand-new teacher, Mrs. Oldham, who just graduated from college in May.  She seems like a sweet lady, but was very nervous at the Open House.  I'm sure she will do great, especially because my Lindsey loves everyone.

Brynlie started 4th grade and has a male teacher, which I love!  His name is Mr. Sorens, and Brynlie is really liking him so far. 

Brevan would not let me take any pictures on Back to School night, but I took this picture of him on the first day of school, this past Tuesday.  I've decided to drive him to school every morning, since the bus is very full by the time he gets on.  He hates riding the bus home after school because he hears so much bad language and is "confused by how boys treat each other," but I can't be everywhere at once.  I'm just praying he adjusts to the crazy school schedule and the year goes fairly smoothly for him.

The girls also started school on Tuesday.  Much thought and preparation was put into Brynlie's First Day of School Outfit.  Lindsey, however, got up and put on a new shirt and some shorts since "denim is great because it matches everything!"  The girls had me curl their hair, so they would look extra pretty on the first day.

Last Saturday was movie night with my Book Club girls.  We did fun activities with each other this summer instead of discussing certain books, since everyone's schedule was pretty busy.  Last month we had a blast at a BBQ/pool party in Karen's backyard, and this month we went to the fancy theater to see the movie "The Help."  We all loved the book when we read it together last year, and the movie did not disappoint! 

These pictures make me laugh so hard when I see them!  Could I have taken any worse pictures of my group of book junkies?  Christine is completely ignoring me, Aimee's eyes are closed and Brenda . . .I'm not sure what's going on there.

And in this picture, Karen looks drunk and Brianne thinks I'm a zombie!  Haha!  We had so much fun together this night, except for the fact that my car got hit by the idiot driver who parked next to me.  Instead of calling the cops (which Ryan and many other husbands informed me later I should have done), I wrote a somewhat ornery letter and left it on their seat (because they weren't smart enough to lock their doors) next to the open booze in their cupholder. 

This is my good friend, Jill.  I'm not sure she could look bad in a picture if she tried.

On Monday, we wanted to celebrate the last day of summer by hanging out poolside for many hours.  The weather man changed our plans when it ended up raining all day, so plan B was to head to a movie theater.  Brevan called a couple boys in the ward, Tanner and Clayton, and they saw the last Harry Potter movie while I took the other kids to "Smurfs" at the same theater.  It was a successful day of junk food and laughing.

I took this picture on the way home from the movie.  I have the sweetest kids ever.  I just hope I don't mess them up too badly while maneuvering my way through motherhood.  I better start putting money aside for all the therapy they will need to get over their issues with me.