My Dad said this to me recently, while smiling:
"Ali, you have your quirky things like everyone else, but you aren't afraid to talk about them." He told me this right after I admitted that I sometimes light matches just so I can blow them out and smell the smoke. Weird, I know. But I get even weirder than that.
I definitely don't like to tell ALL the quirky things about me, because we all have our skeletons in our closet that embarrass us. Here's mine.
I struggle with depression and anxiety. I hate it and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I've taken medication for years, and I don't see any hope of getting off the medication anytime soon. I can usually keep it under control, but sometimes it takes over my life and I feel like I'm literally crumbling. Someone mentioned to me one time that anxiety feels like you are "screaming on the inside, while trying so hard to maintain a normal appearance on the outside." I agree.
It's funny that some of the comments on the last post stated how I am able to do so much. For a lot of people, being super busy can give them major anxiety. For me, it helps. I have to be accomplishing tasks and keeping my mind on the many things that need to be done, or the anxiety gets to me. Exercising seems to help also. I feel like I can pound out my frustrations through my running shoes, and I come home feeling a little lighter mentally.
I have a few friends who struggle with anxiety and depression also. It really sucks and I'm just glad we can understand each other when we are going through rough times! I guess all of us have our trials, and this is one of mine. I sometimes wonder what I'm supposed to learn from this. Patience? Compassion? That I'm weak and can't make it on my own? Well, hopefully I'm learning it. Whatever "it" is.
3 comments:
We all have "skeletons"; it's just a part of life. I read somewhere once that part of our trials here on earth involve our bodies and how we deal with their imperfections. Nobody has a perfect body. And it really sucks sometimes.
Funny, I've often thought "what am I supposed to learn from this" but it is more of an effort to find out what "it" is and get the trial over with as fast as I can. Mmmm, maybe that's why my troubles never go away! :)
It worries me that you run at night alone. Call me and I'll go with you! I need to train for my mini triathlon sometime.... That's my wish that hasn't made it to "working goal" status. he he.
By the way, you really are a wonderful person and I'm sooooo grateful that you are who you are!!
You aren't the only one with depression and anxiety so don't ever feel like you are alone in it. Love you!
I love your honesty and confidence. And your writing skills! You're precious.
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