I've been reading lots of church talks lately, and have come across some that really helped me in my current situation. One that I would HIGHLY recommend was actually given at a singles adult fireside last month by Jeffrey R. Holland, titled Lessons from Liberty Jail. Besides the fact that I love Liberty Jail because I live right by it and have visited it many times, Elder Holland explains how all of us find ourselves in spiritual jail sometimes, but he focuses on three lessons learned from Joseph Smith's incarceration in Liberty Jail: 1) Everyone faces trying times 2) Even the worthy will suffer 3) We should remain calm, patient, charitable and forgiving. It was very straightforward. Seriously, go read it.
Anyway, here's a little perspective I got today: I've had this image of myself standing out in the left field of a baseball game. I'm supposed to be catching anything that comes my way, but no one is hitting anything out in left field. So instead I'm enjoying the beautiful day, doing cartwheels and picking flowers out of the grass. Suddenly a ball comes flying at me, seemingly out of nowhere. I now have 2 options. I can either duck (which, let's face it, if this wasn't an analogy, I would definitely pick this first option) and let the ball land far from me, or I can use the skills I've developed to try to catch the ball, even though it took me by surprise. This fit my life right now because a situation flew out into left field, catching me completely off guard and left me in shock. I've been wondering: I don't think I can deal with this. I was trying to do everything right, so why should I have to deal with this? How did I go from picking flowers out in a field to being scared about a ball that's about to slam into my head? Well, now I have to choose one of the options. I can either duck and feel sorry for myself, or stick my hands up in the air and try as hard as I can to get through it.
Also sticking to my baseball analogy, I heard a song on the radio today that had the line "You win some and you learn some." I have no idea what the song was actually talking about, but it fit my thoughts. I could play left fielder on a championship team and never have to catch a ball all season. So yes, my team won. But I could also play left fielder on a team that never won all season (the more likely scenario in my actual life), but have an opportunity to catch the ball many times each game. In that case, I actually improved my game. If you look at it that way, I didn't really lose any games; I "learned" them.
I'm sure that analogy only makes sense to me. But it feels good to have a visual in my head. Thanks for letting me ramble today. We never know what's around the next curve (hmmm, maybe I could somehow incorporate the use of a curve ball into my analogy :)) so I'll try not to worry too much.
2 comments:
I wish I could say something to you to make it all better. So many times when I would post something after I had the baby you would always say just the right thing to me. I wish I could return the favor. I hate not feeling like myself. I don't know the struggles that you face, but none are fun. I sometimes find myself living from minute to minute. I can't feel guilty for all of the things I think I should be doing. I need to feel good about the things that i have done. Even if it is as simple as doing my hair for the day (seldom happens) Being am mom is so hard. It is most of the time a thankless job where we have to be giving 100% all the time. People say it is rewarding, but when the boys are telling me that they want to live with another family, I think a little differently. Winston Churchill said the coolest thing. "If you are going through hell, keep going." You have no idea how many times I said this to myself as I was recovering from the csection and trying to get mothering the boys again. O, weeks I don't want to re-live. So sorry to ramble on and on and on. I just love you, and I do truly think the world of you. I wish I was close, and I would come and steal you away for the day and make D and Ryan watch the kids!
Oh Ali! You are such amazing friend to me! I am so sorry you are dealing with balls flying out into left field...which is a great analogy by the way! You have no idea but you became a dear friend to me this summer when I was dealing with some very big struggles of my own. Just by being who you are and your quiet strength and your sense of humor you truly helped me!
One thing that has stuck in my head since I listened to conference (thank heaven for the internet and Ipods! haha) is what President Monson said in his Sunday morning session talk. That we need to find joy in the journey. So much of what was said really resounded with me but this is something I have just clung to. You are someone that I always see as finding joy in the journey. But that doesn't mean you don't get down.
Gracious I have written a book! LOL Just know that you are a dear friend to me. That if you ever need an ear I am here! Enjoy your time away with your family! I know you will!
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