It's not easy to speak to a whole congregation on Mothers Day. Especially about the topic I was given, "LDS Women are Incredible." A great talk for a man to give, but I was completely lost as to how to present the topic. This is what I came up with, and I felt really good about it. I didn't give the talk word for word like it's written here, because I am a strong believer in looking at the audience instead of just reading a talk, but this is the general idea.
This is the second time I’ve been asked to speak on a Mothers Day, and the third time in a row that I’ve been given the topic of Womanhood and Motherhood. I’m hoping this time I get it right, and the Bishopric will let me speak on a different topic next time!
So, to change it up a little bit, I told several men in the ward that I would be speaking today and asked them to answer a few questions about their wives. I will include not only wise words from the scriptures and leaders of the church in my talk, but personal attributes of the amazing women in our ward, told to me by their husbands.
The ideal woman is described in Proverbs 31. I won’t read the whole chapter, but picked some verses that stood out. “Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor, yea she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. Strength and honour are her clothing. She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed, her husband also and he praiseth her. Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.”
I believe that every woman in this room desires to have all these qualities, and actually is blessed with these exact qualities and more. I find it interesting that some people try to make a competition out of the traits of men and women. I believe men and women are so fundamentally different that it’s impossible to compare their strengths. There are some things that every man in this room could do better than me, and it’s not only things like changing a tire on a car. Every woman in this room also has many natural strengths which can never be completely replicated by a man.
Elder Russell Ballard has stated, “Sisters, we your brethren, cannot do what you were divinely designated to do from before the foundation of the world. We may try, but we cannot ever hope to replicate your unique gifts. There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman.”
I believe that one of our greatest assets is that we are constantly trying to become better. We desperately want to be perfect and tend to notice what others have accomplished. This can be great if we use other’s examples to better ourselves, but can be a detriment if we let ourselves feel inadequate or discouraged.
Deiter F. Uchtdorf has told the women of the church, “…rise to the great potential within you. But don’t reach beyond your capacity. Don’t set goals beyond your capacity to achieve. Don’t feel guilty or dwell on thoughts of failure. Don’t compare yourself with others. Do the best you can and the Lord will provide the rest.”
The women in this ward have remarkable qualities that I hope to emulate in my own life. Brother Kurt Johnsen describes his wife, Karen, as being cheerful, having a positive outlook and having a team spirit while still having an independent spirit. Brother Brian Burnham admires how Meredith has a much stronger will and drive for perfection than he does. He is impressed with her high standards and drive for self- improvement. Brother Neal Reno said that Jenny is loving and kind but most of all she is herself. She is not a woman pressured from society to be someone she is not. Brother Aaron Freestone talked about what an amazing listener Xio is and how impressed he is by the way she responds with compassion to others. He said from the minute she wakes up until the time she goes to bed she is always working hard. She gets tired, but she keeps doing it every day because she loves her family. Brother Denver Finlinson spoke about how Shonnie makes him laugh and can make light of most any situation. He also talked about her incredible patience and how he admires the way she interacts with their children. Brother Brian Patterson told me that Aimee is his best friend. He admires that Aimee is a teacher, has continued her own education, purchased a home completely on her own while she was a single mother, and can accomplish an amazing amount each day because she is a master multi-tasker. He spoke of her high work ethic that doesn’t get in the way of her desire to spend quality time with her family. And quite possibly the best quote of them all is from Brother Todd Emrich, when he said of his wife Peggy, “besides being HOT, I admire her ability to teach her children things both spiritually and secularly. Her testimony of God and His Gospel. Her artistic and creative quality. Her authenticity and genuineness; she’s the same person no matter her environment. He ended by saying “I have the utmost confidence in my wife and I depend on her for everything.”
Knowing that each of these women possesses such amazing qualities makes me proud to be associated with them. I hope that I can emulate some of these qualities as I watch them live their lives and serve our Heavenly Father.
Because women are so essential to Heavenly Father’s plan, the sacred work they do is opposed by Satan. His desire is to destroy the family and demean the worth of women.
Elder Quentin L. Cook spoke in last month’s General Conference and titled his talk “LDS Women are Incredible.” I quote . . .”Our women are not incredible because they have managed to avoid the difficulties of life – quite the opposite. They are incredible because of the way they face the trial of life. Despite the challenges and tests life has to offer, they remain remarkably strong and immovable and true to the faith.”
We all know families are under attack, and I believe the best way to destroy a family is to demean women and confuse the world about their important roles.
In the same talk I quoted before, Elder Ballard says, “Popular culture today often makes women look silly, inconsequential, mindless, and powerless. It objectifies them and disrespects them and then suggests that they are able to leave their mark on mankind only by seduction – easily the most pervasively dangerous message the adversary sends to women about themselves.”
I asked the men in the ward what they believe is the greatest challenge for women today. Some of them said the biggest challenge for women is keeping the worldly influences out of the home. Brother Emrich and Brother Freestone both mentioned how TV, internet, music, texting and video games can take over the house and make it nearly impossible to feel the Spirit. Brother Patterson said that trying to meet everyone’s needs in the family financially, emotionally, and spiritually is the greatest challenge. I would take it one step further and add in taking care of everyone’s physical needs also. Brother Burnham believes that “the world grossly undervalues mothers.” He thinks it is sad that such an important role gets little respect or dignity.”
I believe that the most important roles I will play in this life, those of wife and mother, will bring me the greatest joys imaginable. I often think of the quote given many years ago by President Lee . . .”The greatest work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home.” I also love that President McKay reminded us that “no other success [in life] can compensate for failure in the home.” Being a wife and mother really fulfills me. My greatest desire is to make my home a place of refuge from the storms of life. I am not always successful, because I have my days when I am physically, emotionally and spiritually drained. At these times I’m so grateful for a husband who can step up and fill in where needed while I attend to my own needs.
Quentin L. Cook also said in his Conference address: “We recognize that there are enormous forces arrayed against women and families. For some, marriage and family are becoming 'a menu choice rather than the central organizing principle of our society.' Women are confronted with many options and need to prayerfully consider the choices they make and how those choices affect the family.”
Many of the men in the ward believe that the biggest challenge for women today is the pressure, both financially and from peers, to spend much of their time working outside of the home. Brother Johnsen said, “I am proud that Karen has been able to stay at home and raise the children and keep a home that is conducive to the spirit. I have always said that the women who stay home to work have the toughest jobs.”
Ryan and I had our years when he was working 2 full-time jobs while I was working 2 part-time jobs and also taking care of the needs of our children. To be completely honest, I often miss the satisfaction I felt while working. It was nice to have a yearly review, where I was told exactly what I was doing right, as well as being given a raise. I sometimes miss the feeling of completing a large work-related project. I don’t feel that same sense of completion at home, because my laundry and dishes are a never-ending battle. But I was surprised to learn during those very busy working years that I wanted to be at home more with my children and husband, because I was accomplishing something much larger than a company project. I absolutely recognize that some women do not have a choice, and that others have prayed about their decision and received the answer that a career is the best thing for the woman and family. I am in no way saying that there is a cookie cutter way for all families to be. I only hope that those of us who have the opportunity to be home more do not take it for granted.
Brother Reno said, “I feel like today women are not in the same role they have been [in] since creation, [which is] the cornerstone of the family. Today, many look at women and ask what the career path is or what . . .they do. We have failed to realize the home roles have been destroyed. We view women as a commodity in the family role. A source of income . . . rather than the structure [of the] family.” Brother Finlinson added that “Time and the lack thereof [is the greatest challenge for women]. I guess that is a result of. . .our hectic schedules, but I worry about [us] not getting to spend enough time with the kids before they are all grown up and have left the house. I wish and hope that we can enjoy this time in our lives together, because it is already almost half-way over.”
Julie B. Beck, the current Relief Society General President, once said, “Families mean work, but they are our greatest work – and we are not afraid of work. This is what we do best; no one does families better than the sisters of this Relief Society. We uphold, nourish, and protect them.”
Yet, even with the women of this ward being incredibly busy and at times overwhelmed with their many roles, they give of themselves in many ways. There is a saying that big gates move on small hinges. The small acts of the women of this ward make huge differences in the lives of those around them. Responses from the men in the ward to the question “what are some specific ways your wife sacrifices and serves others” included things such as: Being a valiant Visiting Teacher, helping with Meals on Wheels, watching other women’s children, serving in the PTO, helping with community functions, making home a place where everyone is reminded of the Savior, running errands for the family and others in need, chauffeuring children all over the State, sending texts full of admiration to her husband during the day, cooking meals for both her family and other families, being sleep-deprived as she deals with the emotional needs of the children, putting love notes in children’s lunchboxes, visiting the elderly or lonely, serving diligently in church responsibilities, being a trustworthy friend, getting out of bed at 5 a.m. to assist children in getting ready for school and driving them to early-morning seminary, and doing just about anything to make her family members feel special and loved.
In closing, I want to express my sincere love for the women of this ward. I’m constantly impressed with the amazing women I know who give of their time and abilities to help others and keep things running smoothly on the home front.
I want to bear my testimony about the love that our Heavenly Father has for all of his daughters. We are absolutely essential to his plan, and we must not lose our focus in an ever-changing world. I know that the Book of Mormon and Bible are true scriptures, which help guide us in the direction our Heavenly Father wants us to go. I am grateful for temple covenants which make it possible for my husband and children to be bound to me forever. I am grateful to have a husband who is a worthy priesthood holder. I often wonder how people get through life without the blessings of the priesthood. I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet, and that he spoke with God and brought about the restoration of Jesus Christ’s gospel. I know that President Monson is the prophet on the earth today, and I sustain him and all the other leaders of this great church.
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