What a ride

What an interesting couple weeks it has been around this house.  I'm feeling very emotionally tired from all the ups, downs and decision-making that has occurred.

Brynlie has had a tough year, as I've mentioned before.  The transition to the new elementary school has been much more difficult than we had hoped or expected.  Our sweet Bryn, however, doesn't like to disappoint or worry people by talking about deep emotional feelings.  That means she did not make us aware of most of the sad and traumatic events that were happening at school.  I got the basics, and we had some good talks where I hope I listened well and left her with a little more peace.  I knew she was struggling with some friendships and other aspects of the new school, but had no idea to what extent the problems had progressed.  I've always wanted to be a listening ear for my kids, and provide them with a soft place to fall at the end of the day, but I really try to let them become independent by making their own decisions and trying to solve problems on their own.  Anyway, in the past few weeks I have been called on the phone, asked to attend conferences, and pulled aside at activities to discuss Brynlie.  She has the unfortunate luck of going to school with "some of the meanest and most dramatic groups of girls" her teachers have worked with in their entire careers.  That poor thing.  I won't go into details since Bryn would not want me to, but that girl has been the focus of most of my prayers lately, and I hope she can recover from the emotional beating she has taken this year, and gain some confidence in herself.

The other focus of my constant prayers the past few days has been Brevan.  He dropped a bombshell on me the other night when he said he might want to return to full public school next year.  Our decisions on Brevan's educational plans have been decided completely off prayer the past few years.  I never in a million years would have considered home-schooling this past year if I didn't feel the prompting and peace through prayer.  So after he made this new statement, and we had a very long talk, I have been on my knees as much as possible, and a new answer came.  I was told that this was completely Brevan's decision and he would need to access the Spirit he's been given to get his own answer. My first reaction was to think this would not work, because I have always made the big decisions for my kids and haven't put as much trust in their abilities to get answers to prayers.  Wow.  I was definitely gently reprimanded for those thoughts.  Brevan and I have had numerous talks over the past few days, and I made him aware that I was going to give him complete control over this decision.  I reminded him several times a day to continue praying and paying attention to his thoughts and feelings.  What an awesome learning experience for both of us.  One thing I had Brevan do was write a list of the pros and cons of going back to public school all day.  This is what he came up with:

Pros:
Be around friends
Have other teachers, especially Mrs. Nutter.
Eat school lunch
Have more interaction with other kids

Cons:
More homework
No down-time during the day
Feel less comfortable (sit in desks, not wear pajamas)
I can't go at my own speed
Bus rides both ways

After much prayer and discussion, Brevan made the final decision to try all-day public school next year.  I met with the school administration today to discuss the change.  All the adults involved (me included) were a bit apprehensive, but very excited.  We came up with some new ideas and re-vamped his 504 Plan to include ways to improve organizational skills, develop friendships and improve communication skills.  The school counselor told me that when we sat in her office last year and I presented the plan to home-school Brevan part-time, she completely disagreed but was willing to work with us.  But then as she got to know Brevan better and watched him throughout the year, she realized it was the best thing for him.  I told Ryan after the meeting today that I felt the Spirit during the meeting, and knew that this is the right decision for our boy.  I'm so grateful for that reassurance, because I've been struggling with my feelings the past few days.

So I will be finishing up this home-schooling experience in about a month, but am fully aware that I may home-school again in the future.  I am very grateful for the success and failures we've had together over this past year.  I can see how our relationship has improved, and how Brevan has matured.  It's satisfying for me to realize that I can accomplish anything if I keep a positive attitude and go at it with all I have in me.