Do what I say, AND what I do

Along with things like, "Clean your room!" and "Just be nice," there are a couple things I tell my kids often.

1. Ellefsens' Are Not Quitters.
2. You can do anything you put your mind to.

I really believe both these statements, and fully expect my kids to follow them. I find that I follow them in some areas of my life, but there is one area (and unfortunately, others) where I fail miserably.

Living a healthy life.

I know I've mentioned exercise and nutrition many times on this blog, but this time I'm really serious. I don't know what the difference is, but there's been a change in me over the past week. I think the scale tipped (no pun intended, but that scale has also tipped) to the side where I am tired of hating my lifestyle more than I'm OK with using my usual excuses, such as:

• I don't have time to exercise.
• I'm always too tired from taking care of 4 kids.
• I already don't spend enough time with my husband and kids. I don't want to leave them again to hit the gym.
• I don't know how to make healthy food choices.

Well, I'm done. As of yesterday morning (Wednesday), I am:

• Completely off refined sugar.
• Making healthy food choices, and eating small meals every 2-3 hours.
• Doing weight training 5 times a week.
• Doing cardio exercise directly after the weight training 5 times a week.
• Not snacking. At all.
• Eating less than 1300 calories a day.

I'm using a program called Life The Life, that was oddly enough created by a couple girls in Lehi, UT. I need a program that tells me exactly what to eat, not just what not to eat. I'm completely clueless about calories, fat, carbs, etc. This program tells me exactly when and what to eat and when and what to do for my daily exercise.

I know it's only been one-and-a-half days, but I've done it! I did all my pre-measurements on Tuesday night, and I have a goal to feel better by next Wednesday. I don't want to set any weight loss goals yet, because the weight loss is only a part of my battle. I had the girls take some "before" pictures of me, and they are nasty. The only way I will ever show them to anyone is if I become a trim, fit model and get to show everyone how far I've come. Which means it's not going to happen. But those pictures (in nothing but a sports bra and shorts, with NO holding in my gut) give me motivation. I'm tired of looking like I'm pregnant, and I'm even more tired of listening to myself complain and not do much about it. That's not who I am. I truly believe that if you don't like something about yourself, you should change it instead of using excuses or sitting around and griping.

So, now I'm going to just put this right out there: My weight yesterday morning was 149 pounds. My ultimate weight wish is 135 but I am not ready to set a deadline. I haven't been that weight since before I got pregnant with Logan. Someday I will get there, but for right now I'm taking one healthy day at a time.

I have never let anyone see how completely unhealthy I am. I sneak food constantly, and purposely eat junk when I'm not around anyone. Granted, I eat a lot of GOOD things too, but I am addicted to sugar. Completely addicted. As far back as I can remember, I have never gone a whole day without eating a ton of sugar. I eat candy or chocolate (even if it's just a little bit) every day of my life. Even as a kid, I had a school box full of sugar that I kept hidden in my closet. I would pull it out after being tucked in at night. I also remember sneaking coconut in the middle of the night, and drinking honey straight out of the little bear bottle. I'm hypoglycemic and have always used the excuse that I feel sick when I don't have sugar. But I worry about being diabetic someday, and I need to put a stop to this unhealthy addiction.

I have much more compassion today for those who struggle with addictions and suffer withdrawal. I know that sounds silly when I'm talking about sugar, but I have had serious withdrawals that have not been fun. Besides the constant headache and extreme tiredness, I have literally been craving the rush I feel when I have sugar. Whether it's sugary jam on toast or a big glass of sugar-filled orange juice, I can literally feel the sugar go through my body. It makes my body tingle and helps relieve my anxiety. Awful, I know. So I'm now learning how to control my emotions along with how to eat.

This is really hard for me. But Ellefsens' Are Not Quitters.