Ode to Target

Dear Super Target,

You’ve officially stolen my heart, my time, and my money. I’ve spent years trying to resist your advances, but I can no longer deny the way you captivate me.

I try to drive past without glancing in your direction, but your red eye seems to penetrate my soul. I come to you for comfort when I feel depressed, anxious or bored; you celebrate my joys when I am happy or excited. You love me whether I am wearing pajamas and slippers or dressed in my fanciest clothes. When my ears need a break from the incessant whining of children, you let me slowly stroll through your aisles in peace. I can always count on you to show me something I never realized I needed.

The moment I walk through your automatic doors, you indulge me with your ambiance. From the bright lights that greet me, to the delicious aroma of freshly baked pastries, I am completely mesmerized. You fulfill my every desire. I lament the time I spent with the deplorable Wal-Mart. It was never serious, and left me extremely unsatisfied. Why drive a mini-van when I can cruise in a Ferrari?

Every Christmas-time, I know you will help me satisfy the yearnings of my children. I don’t even need to keep receipts, because you remember our times together for at least 90 days.  I continue to garner rewards from the RedCard you bestowed upon me, which grants 5% more reasons to return to your loving embrace. 

When alas it’s time to leave you, I feel a sense of emptiness until I glimpse the Starbucks that is conveniently located near your exit. The consumption of your Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate makes me feel complete.

Super Target, my wish always seems to be your command.