Unfair

Dear children of mine,

Just today, at least 3 of you have told me "That's not FAIR!"  Although I've repeated "Life's not fair - sooner you learn it, happier you'll be" for years now, you don't seem to be catching on.  Your Dad gave a beautiful talk in church yesterday.  Instead of focusing on the usual Easter topics of Christ's death and resurrection, he spoke about Christ's life.  It was awesome.  Just a few points your Father made {that I stole off his scribbled notes paper}:

• "Jesus gave His life for us, and to me that means two different things - 1) He died for us on the cross, thereby ending his mortal life, and 2) He actually gave His life for us, meaning that He lived a perfect life . . . I would submit that giving His life to us much more difficult than dying for us."
• Dad spoke about a couple incidents that really made him mad recently.  One was an old lady that cut him off while driving, and the other was a coworker who unfairly blamed him for something.  "I was annoyed at these people, and their stances on our interaction, because I knew I was right . . . imagine what it must have been like for Jesus.  He was ALWAYS right, and He could have made it known and changed everything whenever He wanted to . . . which means it not only wasn't easier for Him because He was the Son of God . . . it was actually harder for Him not to give into temptation."
• "I think sometimes we misinterpret the scripture in 1 Nephi 3:7 that says God will not give us a problem, temptation, or trial without providing a way for us to overcome it . . . it doesn’t say that He won’t give us a problem temptation or trial beyond our current capacity to handle it.  We each have a finite capacity to “handle things”, and we sided with Jesus, and came here to this estate in order to expand that ability.  But in order to do that, we have to go through tribulation, and that has to often be outside of our capacity.  That’s what makes us rely on God. . . it’s up to us to turn to God to help us increase our spiritual capacity to handle trials and temptations.  He’s always there helping us.  That’s what growing line upon line and precept upon precept means.  It means uncomfortable and difficult growth sometimes.  Growing grace by grace means going through difficult situations that are often beyond our capabilities, which forces us to increase our relationship with God; which in turn increases our spiritual maturity and capacity."
• "Jesus went through everything we have gone through, and He was blessed with just enough help from God that He was able to “accomplish the thing which God commanded” . . . just like we are.  He may have received more help at times, but He also had greater trials, so His help was commensurate to his trials . . . just like ours is!  Finally, at some point he was given a complete understanding of the Father’s will, because it was necessary to endure what He did in Gethsemane, and on the cross.  It is incredible to think of the love He has for each of us.  It is incredible to think that He not only died for us, but lived a life of humility, love, forgiveness, and service, in the face of so many afflictions.  I think of the frustration and anger that I felt over being misjudged by a couple of people in my life, and it doesn’t even begin to compare to what Jesus tolerated for us."
• "Jesus died for us, and gave His life for us.  We should believe IN Him, and BELIEVE Him."
• {ahem, listen up here Ellefsen children} 'What about fairness?  Do some people receive more strength from God than others?  First of all, let’s identify the fact that “fair” for mortals, usually means “whatever is good for me right now”.  If we really wanted what was “fair”, we probably wouldn’t ask for it very often.  So did Jesus receive more strength from God and a higher capacity at some points?  Of course He did, but does that mean He didn’t go through what we go through?  No, it means that in addition to feeling the exact things we do, He also felt them on the highest level possible so NOBODY could ever say that He hadn’t been through what we went through.  Look at it this way. . . Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player ever, and my Logan loves to play basketball.  Because Michael Jordan’s skill level is so much greater than Logan’s, does it mean that Jordan’s games are easier?  Does it mean that he can just take it easy and coast?  Of course not!  Everything is relative, and just because you have more skills, doesn’t mean things are easier.  So it is with Jesus . . . he went through terrible experiences and temptations that we will never have to face, but God increased his capacity little by little, grace by grace, until He was able to overcome all things."

Yeah, your Dad is pretty much amazing.  God blessed him with incredible teaching and leadership abilities. 

Since you won't listen when I speak, I will write some of my thoughts on fairness.  Child X, you told me it's unfair I'm making you mow the lawn all summer to earn money for some of your activities, because I shouldn't be requiring you to contribute.  Child Y, you told me it was unfair to make you clean up the family room today when it wasn't all your mess.  Child Z, you think it's unfair that I spent one-on-one time with Child Y today, because then you didn't have my undivided attention during that hour.

You want to know what's really unfair?

It's unfair that we live in such a huge house, with electricity, plumbing, heat, air conditioning, a pantry full of food, closets that can barely hold all your clothing, and 2 cars parked safely in the garage . . .while at least 80% of humanity lives in poverty.  Almost half the world - 3 billion people - live on less than $2.50 a day {my source}.  That doesn't even cover the cost of one of your lunches.

It's unfair that I was able to give birth to 4 perfect children, while so many of my friends struggle with infertility issues.

It's unfair that I have the means to obtain a college education, although only 6.7% of the world has a college degree {source}.  Your Dad and I make sure we save enough money for each of you to have the opportunity to attend college, also.

It's unfair that your Father is a constant presence in our home, when 24 million American children live in a home without their biological father {source}.  It's unfair that your parents are devoted to each other, and try to strengthen their relationship every day.  Half of all first marriages in the US end in divorce, which is ranked as one of the most stressful events a child can experience.

There are just a few more things I want to say about  fairness.

It's unfair that God sent me a brilliant son who got a 30 on the ACT when he took it for the first time as a Freshmen.  Brevan, your parents both took the test for the first time as Seniors and got 21.  Maybe you get your intelligence from your grandparents.  Or maybe you just have a determination that is rare, especially in teenagers.

It's unfair that I have a pre-teen who talks to me about her struggles and triumphs in life.  Brynlie, I love that we can joke around with each other, but also have deep, serious conversations.  You have become one of my best friends as you've grown up.

It's unfair that I get to raise a vibrant angel who always looks for ways to help and make people feel loved.  Lindsey, your service and love do not go unnoticed.

It's unfair that my youngest is smart, obedient, perceptive, sensitive to the Spirit and kind-hearted.  Logan, you are the perfect addition to our family.

{The day after Ryan had surgery, I remembered Logan needed to prepare a talk for the following day.  I told him the topic was "Reverence" and planned to help him write a talk sometime that evening, but I was feeling very sick.  He got a paper and wrote this talk completely on his own.  Translation: "Reverence means keep the Sabbath day holy, be quiet, fold your arms, only walk, be nice to everyone, read the scriptures.  I do these things to respect my family and Jesus and Heavenly Father.  Share with everyone, don't kick, punch, push or knock down anyone/anything.  Make sure you don't hurt anyone.  I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."}

I am honored to be your Mom.  You four bring pure joy to me and your Daddy.  We spoke about you before we were even married, dreamed about you when we were newlyweds, and prayed for each one of you to join our family when the time was right.  I don't know why God found me worthy and qualified enough to be your Mom, but I'm glad He doesn't worry about being fair.  Every one of His children is completely perfect in His eyes, just like each of you are to me.