Missouri Musings

A boy in our ward named Chad returned home from his mission this week.  He had to fight for the chance to serve a mission after being the driver in a terrible accident that killed his girlfriend 5 1/2 years ago.  A judge finally allowed him to leave for Costa Rica after years of lawsuits. He was so eager to teach others about the healing agent of the atonement.  His talk today was remarkable, although I always think returned missionaries give the best talks.  They are humble and full of the Spirit after spending time away from the worldly influences we all allow into our lives.

One thing Chad mentioned resonated with me.  He said, "obedience brings about blessings, but exact obedience brings about miracles."  If exactness could be measured on a produce scale, I would be the rotten tomato that is discarded before it infects all the righteous vegetables.  But I've witnessed miracles, and I have a few more I would like to witness in my lifetime, so I will keep plugging away at being obedient.

While in New Orleans, I got a phone call from a lady who has been investigating the church.  She asked me some very direct questions, including how I KNOW the gospel is true?  I'm not a trained missionary.  I didn't spend weeks in the MTC learning a language and eating greasy cafeteria food.  But I knew exactly what to say.  I know because the Book of Mormon is true and perfectly compliments the Bible.  I know because the Spirit testifies to me every time a prophet or apostle speaks.  She then asked if it is possible that I only believe because I was raised in an area and home where the fullness of the gospel was available.  The answer is a resounding yes and no.  Did it help that I had access to all the teachings while growing up?  Yes.  Did my parents require me to be active in the LDS church?  No.  I was raised with the freedom to make important choices for myself, and they completely respect any decisions I make.  Do I live gospel standards simply because it's the easy thing to do?  That's just laughable.  Living the standards is anything but easy at times; in fact, if you are looking for a religion that is easy, run away from the LDS church as quickly as possible.  Every member of our family has had to stand alone many times.  So am I led by blind obedience?  Good question, and I think I will make a separate blog post about that topic.  But the short answer is no.  I am free to act for myself, even though there are standards I must keep in order to access all blessings the gospel has to offer.  Sometimes I've chosen God's way and sometimes I've been the disobedient tomato.  My beliefs stem from questioning church doctrines.  Questioning the teachings is exactly how a testimony is formed.  

The gospel of Jesus Christ is true, incredible and life-changing.  I hope others can feel Christ's love through me.  His unconditional love heals and edifies.  Today I spent the first half of Sacrament meeting feeling disappointed and anxious.  I begged my Father for the peace that surpasses all understanding.  When I opened my eyes, tears escaped as the Spirit infused my heart.  By the end of the meeting I felt cleansed, rejuvenated, calm and full of love.  It changed my entire perspective.

If only I was an eloquent speaker and could explain the joy I feel when my Father speaks to me through the scriptures.   He calms my fears and reminds me of his eternal love.  A little piece of my life resides in a garden half-way around the world.  As my Savior knelt in Gethsemane, He felt my heartaches and anxieties.  My Father listens and understands when I dump a bucket of concerns during my prayers.  He reminds me that He has more experience parenting my children because He is their Heavenly Daddy. He reassures me that I can be successful in everything I desire as long as I remember my worth.