I make sure I kiss her and tell her I love her every
morning before she goes to school, and every night when we tuck her in. I also try to spend lots of time with
her. One thing I will probably reiterate
over and over again on these questions is that quantity of time is just as
important as quality of time with a child.
I don’t claim to be a great parent, but I try to spend time with my
children and be a good role model. We
have family time, family meals, and family prayer. I coach her soccer and BB teams, and just
generally try to be a big part of her life.
I’ve felt a very special bond with Lindsey since the day she was born,
and I often think about holding her hand under the heat lamps in the hospital
while she stared at me—I knew then that we would always be close.
2. In what ways do you gain INSIGHT about your
child’s gifts, talents, and needs?
In addition to spending lots of time with her, I like to
meet with each one of my kids once a month and have a personal daddy/daughter
(or son) conversation. We talk about
personal issues, trials, goals, and successes.
I also coach most of her athletic teams and attend all of her recitals,
plays, games, etc . . . I also think
prayer is an excellent way of gaining insight into a child’s needs.
3. In what specific ways do you PARTICIPATE in
the life of your child?
Time is really important, so I spend as much time as
possible with my children. I coach her
teams, and when I’m not coaching we’re outside shooting hoops! I take her to school, and we participate in
church activities all throughout the week.
I participate in the school’s father watch program, and I try to
understand her strengths and weaknesses to the best of my ability. Lindsey is a very energetic, intelligent, and
outgoing young lady, so parenting her is different than it is for my older
daughter who is a little more reserved and quiet. My wife and I frequently discuss Lindsey’s
growth and needs, and we try to encourage her strengths as much as
possible. We spend a lot of time at Beyond
Basics events and field trips as well.
4. What aspect of your fathering do you think
makes the GREATEST IMPACT on your child?
I think just being there and being supportive. Having a sense of humor is important, as well
as teaching good work ethic, but I believe the value of a supportive and
attentive father has been well documented.
I’m the parent who hands out most of the chores and consequences, so
it’s important that I balance that with fun family time and rewards. I try to teach my children good manners, proper
grammar, and other social skills, but years from now, when she has her own
family, it will be the time I spent with her, and love I showed her that will
be important.
5. What is the LEGACY you want to leave your
child?
Without a doubt, the most important thing I want Lindsey
to know about me is that I love God.
When she tells her children about grandpa, I want her to tell them that
he knows God lives, and loves her. That Jesus is the Christ, and that she can
return to live with Him, and with our family someday. The second thing is an extension of that, and
it is that I love her mother. I want
Lindsey to always know that I love the Gospel, and I love her mother. I want her to find a husband who treats her
like I treat my wife. That is a very
sobering and heavy thought, which keeps me on my toes! J
6. What has been the GREATEST DIFFICULTY or
challenge you have faced in your fathering?
Probably the balance between providing for my children
and letting them learn tough lessons on their own. I believe many parents in our society try too
hard to be their children’s friends instead of being their parents. I also think that parents with the means to
do so, try to overload and spoil their children, which creates a lot of entitlement. I’d like to provide as much for my children
as possible, while still cultivating a sense of hard work and humility. I also want them to go through as little pain
as possible, while still learning all of the difficult life lessons they’ll
need to know in order to be solid adults, who contribute to society . . . that’s a difficult
line to walk.
7. What ADVICE
would you give to a young father or father figure who wants to become a better
dad?
Just love them.
That’s a lesson I wish I had understood better as a new father. As a dad, you want what’s best for them, and
that means sometimes we push too hard, or expect too much, or criticize too
often. Sometimes kids just need to be
kids, and they need to know you will love them no matter what. I still remember the day many years ago when
we heard on the news that several children had drowned in a river near a
dam. Lindsey asked me what I would do if
she were drowning in the river—I replied that I would jump in and save
her! She then said “but couldn’t you
drown also?”—to which I said “yes, that’s possible, but I wouldn’t even
hesitate for one second; I’d either save you or die trying”. I will always remember the look in her eyes,
and the disbelief that someone would love her that much. Although that’s a big example of showing
love, I think it’s the little things every day that are important—make sure you
encourage and love your child much more than you criticize and chastise
her/him.
8. Your child wrote an essay describing
you. How would you describe your child?
I would describe Lindsey as the power cell of our
family. She is the first one up every
morning and she goes non-stop all day long!
She is fun, happy, smart, and outgoing.
Lindsey is also very caring, and she is always drawing me pictures and
telling me how much she loves me. She is
willing to try anything (which is both admirable and scary) and is the most
competitive of our children. As an
example of classic Lindsey behavior, she just got 21 stitches removed from her
forehead. She was jumping from one
counter top to the other in our kitchen downstairs, and she misjudged the
landing. When she got to the hospital,
she was lying on the table with nurses and doctors trying to stop the bleeding
from the very large gash in her forehead.
One of the nurses asked another nurse how it happened, and the second
nurse replied that she had tried to make a jump and missed it. Lindsey pushed away their hands and told them
(with blood streaming down her face) “I didn’t miss the jump! I landed it . . . and then I fell”!
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